


The Strange Tale of Howard Moon

by eprnam



Category: Mighty Boosh (TV)
Genre: Angst, Animal Transformation, M/M, Or maybe they actually make it better, Potions making a mess of things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-12-16
Updated: 2012-12-16
Packaged: 2017-11-21 06:44:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/594667
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eprnam/pseuds/eprnam
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Howard is accidently turned into a dog, and with Naboo gone Howard is stuck that way. To make matters worse, Vince is depressed and can't even understand him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just putting my stuff from ff.net onto Ao3. WIP, but I really do plan to get it finished one day.  
> Obviously don't own any of the Boosh.

**XXX**

Howard was furious, plain and simple. He had only gotten home yesterday, and already Vince was on his last nerve.

When Howard had returned to the Nabootique, he had expected to be welcomed home with loving arms, cries from Vince about how much he missed him, maybe Bollo even remembering his name, but all he got was blank stares, and worst of all, they had replaced him with some cheap look-alike! Then to make matters worse, that horrible commercial came on, and they all just laughed at him. And they continued to laugh throughout the entire day.

"That was your big break yeah?" Vince giggled for the hundredth, causing Howard to finally snap, he couldn't take it anymore, he didn't need to deal with this, he had only come back for Vince, but it appeared that Vince didn't want him so what was the point?

"Ya know what Vince? I'm sick and tired of all this!" Howard yelled, and Vince had the decency to look surprised by his outburst. "I don't have to deal with this crap, I only came back because I thought we were friends, and that you would miss me if I was gone, but I guess I was wrong! I won't be bothering you any longer, I'm leaving, and this time I won't be coming back!" And just like that, Howard spun around and marched out the door.

"Yeah, whatever, you'll come back!" Vince yelled but Howard just kept on walking.

"You always come back for me." Vince whispered, but Howard was already gone.

xxx

**1 Week Later**

Howard had fully intended to never go back when he marched out the door that day, but he knew that at some point, he would have to go get all his stuff. Only he didn't really want to run into Vince. Or Naboo, who was apparently mad at him. He called the other day yelling at Howard to come home immediately, something about Vince missing him; Howard just laughed and hung up. If Vince missed him, he could call himself and apologize!

But he really did need some clothes. So he decided to head out, apparently there was a sale on at Top Shop (according to Lester) so Vince should be there for a good portion of the day, he'd just get in and get out, simple as that.

Of course, nothing is ever simple for Howard.

He decided on taking the shortcut to the Nabootique through an alley way just up ahead. He turned into the alley just as an old lady carrying an assortment of bottles made her exit, the collision was inevitable. Howard tried his best to catch her as she fell, and she did her best to maintain her hold on all her belongings. Neither was successful. The bottles fell to the ground, smashing upon impact. In a matter of seconds everything was covered in black ooze, even Howard's shirt.

"And this was my favorite shirt too." He sulked wiping away what he could with his hand, before reaching out to help the lady up; he did feel quite bad for knocking her over. But before he could even try and make up for it, she just started yelling.

"Do you have any idea what you've just done!" She screamed.

"Look, it was just an accident." Howard tried, but it just made her yell louder.

"I can't believe this! Do you know how long it took me to make all these!"

"Don't kill me; I've got so much to give!" Howard whimpered and shut his eyes, waiting for death. But all there was, was silence. Hesitantly he opened his eyes. The old lady was just smiling and looking at his hand that still had the ooze on it.

"Ya know what? I think you've been punished enough, and I suppose it can't be helped." she said sweetly, before simply walking away.

Howard was confused, but figured he'd take what he could get and continued on his way. He was nearing the end of the alley, and the Nabootique was in his sights, when he started to feel dizzy. He needed to get to the Nabootique, as he didn't fancy passing out in the street.

Howard stumbled up to the door, no one was in the shop as far as he could tell so he went to open the door and proceed with his plan. But just as he reached for the handle, everything went black and Howard promptly passed out.

xxx

When Howard finally regained consciousness, he no longer felt dizzy and on the verge of passing out. He felt warm, someone was petting his head, and he had never laid on anything as comfortable as what he was now sleeping on. ' _Have I died and gone to heaven?'_ While the thought was a bit disturbing, Howard couldn't find it in himself to care; he never wanted to leave this magical place.

"Are you finally up then?" He heard Vince say from above him, and for a moment he wasn't sure what was going on. But being the genius he believed himself to be, he pieced together that Vince must have found him passed out front and somehow managed to get him inside.

"I was really worried 'bout you, ya know? It's a good thing I decided to go outside when I did otherwise who knows what would of 'appened to ya."

Howard decided it was time to "wake up" for real; he couldn't really stay mad at Vince after all this now could he?

Howard opened his eyes and looked up at Vince, and Howard realized that even though there was a smile on his face, it didn't reach his eyes, which were red and puffy. ' _Had Vince been that worried about me he started crying?'_  Howard didn't have long to ponder this though, because at that moment he also realized what the super comfy bed he was laying was, he was on Vince's lap, his  _entire_  body was on Vince's lap! And even worse than that, it wasn't even his body. Howard's entire body was covered in fur, and he was tiny. ' _Oh my god, what happened to me!'_

"Hey, what's wrong with you all of a sudden?" Vince asked, confused by the way Howard was acting.

But Howard didn't care, he was freaking out, he hopped off Vince's lap and onto the floor. ' _Got to find a mirror, got to find a mirror, got to-'_  Howard's thoughts were silenced as he looked into the full length mirror in front of him. There was no Howard reflected in its surface, all he saw was a scruffy brown dog.

**XXX**


	2. Chapter 2

**XXX**

After a lot of soothing words, and almost constant petting, Vince had been able to calm Howard down a good amount.

' _How can I be a dog! Things like this just don't happen! ….Well maybe they do, but that doesn't make it right!'_  Howard thought sulkily.

"You alright now?" Vince asked, like he was expecting an answer, and that's when Howard realized Vince could understand animals.  _'Thank god for that'_

"No, I'm not alright, I've been turned into a dog!" Howard barked, literally, to his horror.

"What was that?" Vince asked.

"I said, I've been turned into a dog!" Howard barked again.

"Why can't I understand you?" Vince said quietly, and to Howard's surprise, he actually sounded sad. "This is ridiculous! First I can't understand the ducks in the park and now you. It's all because Howard left, I can't talk to the animals anymore and it's all his fault." This surprised Howard even more, how was it his fault Vince couldn't talk to animals anymore? He looked up at Vince and his tiny dog eyes widened, Vince was crying!

Howard barked at Vince to get his attention.

"I'm s'rry, I can't understand you, it's just whenever my mate Howard leaves, it's like 'e takes a piece of me with 'im. 'N a course bein' Howard, 'e takes the most important part, 'e takes my sunshine, and with it, is apparently the ability to talk to you. It's pretty annoying, but when 'e gets back everything is normal again. 'Cept…this time, 'e said he wasn't coming back so-" Whatever Vince had tried to say after that was drowned out by the sobs Vince was now trying to choke back.

Howard just stared at Vince horrified. Vince couldn't talk to animals when he was gone, that in itself was surprising. But Howard had only been gone for a week and already he couldn't recognize the person in front of him. He had done this to Vince, of course he didn't mean to, he just had no idea Vince cared this much.

Howard put his paw over Vince's hand, and let out a little whine which startled Vince, making him look down at Howard like he had forgotten he was even there.

"You must think I'm pathetic huh? I should be used to Howard leaving, but I jus' can't help it. Like a few weeks ago, 'e got a part in some famous director's new piece, and e' jus' left, didn't even think to ask 'is best friend to come alone. I ended up jus' sat in my room for a week crying. Naboo tried to help by hiring some Howard look alike, as if that would cheer me up." Vince scoffed, and Howard felt the guilt slowly building up. He had given Vince so much crap over Adam, and it hadn't even been his fault.

"I managed to get myself out of bed eventually, 'n that was the day Howard came back. I was so happy; I nearly threw myself at 'im, but Howard wouldn't 'ave liked that, 'e's got this 'don't touch me' policy. Instead I just stayed where I was, 'n acted like my normal bitchy self, in an attempt to hide how excited I was that 'e came back for me. Then that commercial came on 'n I knew that wasn't the case. I don't want to believe it, but I don't think Howard would 'ave ever come back if 'e 'ad been put in a big movie." Vince said sadly.

Howard just stared up at Vince surprised, of course he was going to come back for Vince, he always did, Vince meant the world to him, if only he could show him that now, but at the moment he was incapable of doing any such thing being a dog an all. So he settled for licking the tears off Vince's face, it creeped him out a bit, but he  _was_ currently a dog, and Vince needed him.

"Thanks, you're sweet" Vince giggled, before hugging Howard who would have blushed, was it possible.

"Ya know, you remind me of Howard, your fur is the same as his hair, brown and messy." Vince smiled scratching Howard's head. Howard growled.

"Oh, don't get angry, I think it's cute, jus' like Howard. Course you might not think that's much of a complement. Other people… 'n animals I s'pose, don't ever see the great person Howard really is, they jus' see a jazzy freak who dresses like a geography teacher. Oh 'n don't tell 'im I said this, but I like the way he dresses, I don't mean it's fashionable a course, but he wouldn't be Howard if he dressed any different,  _my_  Howard has a bad fashion sense, a goofy mustache and 'e likes  _jazz_ , but I think he's perfect." Vince smiled. And even if Howard had the capability of speech, he would have had nothing to say,  _Vince_  thought he was cute,  _Vince_ thought he was perfect.

"Howard doesn't like dogs much… or maybe that was foxes… Oh well, I like you! I think I'll call you…Julian, Howard always said he felt like that was his name in another universe or something, bit of an odd thing to come up with (specially for Howard) but whatever. Anyway, you're Julian, for now at least, when Howard gets back you can tell me your actual name kay?" Vince asked sweetly.

Howard looked up at him and nodded, he was surprised Vince had remembered about the Julian thing, in fact everything that Vince had done so far surprised him. He felt a bit bad that he was hearing all this stuff Vince was saying; when he clearly didn't want Howard to know, but he would have told Vince it was him, if he was able too. Maybe Naboo could help.

' _Yes! Naboo would know what to do!'_  Howard thought, hopping off Vince's lap and running to Naboo's room, Vince following curiously behind.

They both reached the room, and Howard was irritated to find it empty.  _'Maybe he went to DJ with Bollo'_

"This is Naboo's room. But he's not here. He left yesterday, Bollo went too, he's a gorilla by the way. Naboo said 'e couldn't stand being woken up every night by my crying, and apparently all my moping messes with 'is "relaxation time" he won't be back for a week." Vince said sadly.

' _How could Naboo just leave Vince like this! And a WEEK! Fantastic! I'm going to be a dog for a week!'_ Howard thought, imagining ways for a dog to give himself Chinese burns when Vince started talking again.

"I don't like being alone, but I always end up pushing everyone away…" Howard looked up and saw the tears quickly forming in Vince's eyes.

'I'm not going anywhere!' Howard barked, and even though Vince didn't understand he smiled.

"I'm glad you're here Ju, you won't leave me right?" Vince asked hopefully, and it hurt Howard to see the pain in his eyes. He shook his head, and barked again, tail wagging.

"Genius, now what do ya say we get you something to eat, I'm sure you're hungry." Vince said, giggling at the quite noises coming from Howard's stomach.

**XXX**


	3. Chapter 3

**XXX**

Howard had been a bit skeptical when Vince began to prepare the food, Howard wasn't particularly fond of sweets and that seemed to be all Vince ever ate. So when an assortment of fruits and vegetables was placed in front of him, he had to admit he was surprised.

"Look, I know it's not a steak or anything, but we're a bit low on food at the moment, and I don't exactly 'ave any dog food. I wasn't sure what you would like so I just gave ya one of each, I'll try and make something better later." Vince said apologetically. Howard couldn't help it when his tail started wagging, what more could he ask for? He barked up at Vince before digging in. It wasn't till he had nearly finished off his meal that he realized Vince hadn't eaten anything. Howard looked up at him; he was just sitting there staring into space with a sad look on his face. Howard whined and Vince turned to look at him, with a smile on his face; one that Howard noticed, didn't reach his eyes.

"What's up Ju?" Vince asked sweetly.

In order to ask his question, Howard looked at his plate then at Vince and cocked his head to the side.

"Oh, I'm not really hungry right now, I'll eat something later." Vince said, and Howard growled, this depressed Vince was already freaking him out, and now he wasn't eating!

"You sound jus' like Howard, 'e's always telling me to eat, 'cept 'e usually used words instead of growling at me. But really I'm fine; just enjoy your meal yeah?" Vince smiled before turning back around and staring blankly at the wall.

Howard was  _not_  happy with that response, but he couldn't exactly do anything about it, so quickly finished his meal and went to pull Vince out of his weird trance.

' _Hey! Vince, wake up!'_  Howard barked.

Vince jumped a bit in his chair at his sudden outburst. "Sorry, zoned out a bit. You finished with your food? So what do you want to do now?"

Howard thought a bit on that, what could he do? He didn't really feel up for anything at the moment, but then it hit him, he could still listen to jazz, and that always made him feel better. He just needed to convince Vince to put some on. So he ran down the hall toward their room where he kept his records barking at Vince to follow along, but when he reached the room he stopped dead, there was something seriously wrong with the picture in front of him. Vince's side of the room was destroyed, clothes were strewn everywhere, the vanity mirror was smashed and most frightening of all, Vince's most treasured possession; his Nicky Clarke hair straighteners were carelessly left on the floor. On Howard's side of the room, everything was in perfect condition, like some invisible barrier had stopped the destruction from spreading onto his side. The only thing that looked even vaguely disturbed was his bed, it looked  _slept in_.

Howard turned around to face Vince in shock. He didn't even look surprised.

"I suppose I got a bit carried away the other night, I jus'… It doesn't matter; anyway, this is me 'n Howard's room. It's a bit messy right now, I should probably clean it up before Howard get's back, or he'll yell at me. And I jus' can't stand when 'e yells at me… what do you want in 'ere?"

Howard did his best to ignore the carnage in the room and walked over to his jazz collection. But before he was able to pick one out, he was being lifted off the ground and found himself face to face with to stunningly blue eyes.

"Those are Howard's, and 'e doesn't like anyone touching his stuff,  _especially_  'is jazz." While Howard was touched that Vince was trying to protect his stuff, but he really just wanted to listen to some jazz, so he barked at Vince and looked at the record player located on his desk then at the records, then back to Vince who was giving him a disbelieving look.

"You,  _must_  be joking. You want to listen to  _jazz_?" Vince said skeptically, but Howard just nodded and started wagging his tail.

"Brilliant! A  _dog_  who likes jazz, what is the world coming to!" But none the less, Vince put Howard back onto the floor and allowed him to pick out a record. Vince took the record from him and reluctantly placed it on the player, before gently lowering the needle.

"This is a one time thing, ya hear!" Vince said as the jazz started to play. Howard thought Vince was going to leave the room, but he just sat himself down on Howard's bed and bent down, picking up Howard again and plopping him on his lap.

" _ **Someday he'll come along, the man I love**_

_**And he'll be big and strong, the man I love** _

_**And when he comes my way** _

_**I'll do my best to make him stay"** _

' _Ah Ella Fitzgerald, your songs are just so lovely'_ Howard thought to himself, he could feel Vince shaking and smiled, even Vince couldn't deny that this song made him shiver.

" _ **He'll look at me and smile,**_

_**I'll understand** _

_**And in a little while he'll take my hand** _

_**And though it seems absurd** _

_**I know we both won't say a word"** _

Howard was definitely feeling a lot better not even the fact that he was a dog, could bother him now, no jazz made everything better. It sung to him, and relaxed him. And the fact that Vince's lap was warm and cozy made it even better.

" _ **Maybe I shall meet him Sunday**_

_**Maybe Monday, maybe not** _

_**Still I'm sure to meet him one day** _

_**Maybe Tuesday will be my good news day"** _

He was just starting to fall into a peaceful sleep when something wet fell on his head. Howard looked up at Vince, and all his problems came back ten fold. Vince was crying again.

" _ **He'll build a little home, just meant for two**_

_**From which we'll never roam; who would, would you?** _

_**And so all else above I'm waiting for the man I love"** _

As the song ended, Vince's quite tears turned into full blown sobbing, and Howard didn't know what to do.

"I couldn't make him stay." Vince sobbed, falling back onto the bed; Howard jumped off his lap and watched as Vince curled up into a ball, before reaching out and grabbing something off the bed and hugging it to his chest. Howard realized with a jolt that it was one of his shirts.

'Vince' Howard whimpered, nudging Vince with his nose.  _'This is such a mess'_ Howard thought sadly when Vince just kept on crying. But not knowing what else to do, he laid down beside Vince and watched over him while he cried himself to sleep.

xxx

It was nearing 3 in the morning when Howard was woken up by the sounds of Vince's whimpering. He sadly opened his eyes on the heartbreaking scene and watched as Vince cried out for Howard, cried out for  _him_. Howard quietly got up and nudged Vince awake.

When Vince looked up at him through his tear filled eyes, Howard couldn't help the whimper that passed through his lips. Vince shakily lifted up his arm and Howard took it as an invitation to crawl into his embrace. As soon as Howard was situated, Vince dropped his arm and hugged Howard tightly while he cried.

"Why won't he come back? I just want him to come back." Vince whispered sadly. But what could Howard do, he was right there, but at the same time, he wasn't. When Vince spoke a minute later his tearful words again left Howard speechless.

"I love you Howard."

**XXX**


	4. Chapter 4

**XXX**

When Howard woke up later that morning, he found himself alone in the bed, and instantly began to worry about where Vince had gone, but before he began his search, he remembered what happened the night before. After Vince's confession, Howard had no idea what to think anymore. Vince  _loved_  him? Sure Howard Moon was one hansom guy, yes sir, but compared to Vince… Even Howard could admit that Vince was beautiful.

' _more like, gorgeous…'_ Howard thought sadly. But back to the immediate problem at hand, where was Vince?

Howard hopped off the bed and looked around the room, spotting Vince sitting down in front of his full length mirror, he trotted over and sat down next to him. Howard had expected a quick pat on the head, or at least an "alright Ju," but Vince just continued to stare at himself in the mirror, not even acknowledging that Howard was there at all. Howard looked up at Vince's reflection and tried to see what had so captivated Vince's attention, not that it would be un-natural for Vince to lose himself in his own eyes. But all Howard saw was the same Vince he saw the day before, and that, more than anything killed him. His eyes were glazed over and empty, and Howard could clearly see the tear tracks left over from before.

Howard desperately wanted to make Vince himself again, but what could he do? Unless he found some way to magically turn himself back into a person, he'd have to wait till Naboo got home. Wait and do nothing while Vince fell further into depression. And that was not something Howard Moon could do. Sure he might (on occasion) be able to admit to himself that he was a coward, but he also liked to think that when Vince was concerned, he made an effort to be brave.

Vince was the only person who ever looked at Howard like he actually mattered, the only person who understood him even with all the things they  _didn't_ have in common, the only person that loved him and the only person that Howard had ever considered his friend. He was going to do whatever it took to fix this.

XXX

For the rest of the day, Howard tried everything he could think of to get Vince back to normal, but he soon found that even getting him to smile was near impossible. Sure he gave him those sad, pained little smiles every so often, but they were so forced that they made Howard feel even worse.

When he had finally managed to get Vince to actually laugh, they were in the shop and it happened so suddenly that at first he wasn't sure whether or not he imagined it, and he honestly had no idea what he did that was so funny, but you know what they say about those gift horses.

Howard was just about to silently congratulate himself on a job well done when Vince gasped and in through the door walked Lance Dior followed closely by Harold Boon.

And just like that, any progress Howard had made went out the window.

"Hey Vincey, where's your dad?" Lance sneered, noticing Howard's absence.

"Alright, Lance. 'ere to copy me again?" Vince replied, leaving the topic of Howard out and doing his best to pull off his normal  _Vince Noir Rock 'n Roll Star_  attitude, but falling a bit short. Howard noticed this and stepped closer to him.

"Nah, jus' thought I'd pop in and say hello. Why would I want to copy someone who couldn't even keep their friend from leaving anyway?" Lance said sweetly and grinned when he saw Vince flinch.

"I mean, look at me, I've still got Harold, people still love me. Maybe it's not as much as they  _used_  to love you, but you've been gone Vince, people forget and move on to the next thing, the better thing, looks like Howard realized that too. Soon no one will remember that Vince Noir ever existed."

Howard listened to this and felt his anger growing,  _no one_ talked to Vince like that! He did his best to stay calm and not attack Lance, but once he heard the quiet, choked back sob from Vince and the gleeful laughter from Lance he couldn't stop from launching himself across the room and biting Lance's leg  _hard_.

He heard the pained scream from Lance and the surprised yell from Harold and he couldn't help but feel proud of himself.  _'This'll teach them to mess with Vince'_  Howard thought happily, growling and biting the leg in his mouth with all his might.

He didn't stop till Harold Boon's foot connected with his body and sent him flying across the room.

After that, everything got a bit hazy for Howard. He heard Vince yell his name, he heard the jingling bells as Lance and Harold quickly departed and he felt himself being pulled into a warm embrace, but after that, everything faded away.

XXX

(A/N: So yes, normally, you should most certainly take your dog to the vet if it gets kicked across the room and passes out but this is the Boosh Universe so...)

The first thing Howard was aware of upon waking was that someone was crying beside him and it only took a few seconds (in which he remembered what had happened and why he was in a good deal of pain) to figure out that it was Vince.

 _'Vince'_  Howard whimpered pitifully, not managing to make much noise, but it did the trick and before he could blink, Vince had carefully scooped him up and hugged him gently.

"I'm s-so sorry" Vince sobbed into his fur and Howard felt his heart clench, Vince was holding on to him like his life depended on it while still doing his best to not hurt him. Howard whimpered and nudged Vince with his nose causing him to pull back and stare at Howard with watery eyes. Vince tried to blink his tears away and gave Howard another sad smile before lowering him down to his lap.

"He's right you know... Soon everyone will forget, if they haven't already. And Howard's better off without me anyway, everyone leaves eventually." Vince said quietly while he stoked Howard's fur. Howard just stared up at him in wide eyed horror before processing his words.

 _'I'm not going anywhere!'_  Howard growled at Vince, even though he couldn't understand him, Vince just looked down at him with his sad blue eyes and gave him another one of those damn depressing smiles before gently placing Howard on the bed and curling himself up beside him and falling asleep.

Howard watched his friend sadly, wishing he could fix this right now, wishing he could just go back and make it so he never left in the first place, but it did him no good, he stayed a dog and Vince remained asleep believing that Howard had left and wasn't coming back.

It pained Howard to realize that if he hadn't been turned into a dog, he would have followed through on his plan to get his stuff and done his best to never come back.

**XXX**

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, comments are always nice~


End file.
